Guy Code Violation
Last night my family and I were out to eat at one of my favorite beer bars, The Cloverleaf Tavern. Wednesdays are kids night so it is a great excuse to get out of the house to have 2 great craft beers and spend some nice time with my wife and kids. Little did I know going to the bathroom after dinner was going to land me smack-dab in the middle of some serious guy code violations!
Entering the bathroom the closest urinal to the door is taken so I take the other one by the toilet stall, as I start my business I sense the guy next to me turning his head toward me. Guy Code violation number 1! Really, you don’t look at the guy standing next to you. As I’m weighing my potential reactions, he starts talking to me. Guy Code violation number 2! Talking to strangers is what you teach your kids and something you don’t do while standing at the urinal. This guy then proceeds to tell me “Look I can text and pee at the same time!” WTF! Are you serious, take a look while your peeing, Hell NO! Guy code violation number 4. Texting while peeing, I don’t need to know. Who was he text that was so important that he could wait another 2 minutes?
I was dumbfounded at this point, I didn’t know what to say, denial was the best option at this point since punching the guy in the face would have ruined my families dinner. But if you think this is where it stopped, guess again! There is more. He proceed to give me a play-by-play of his urinary adventure; he says, “There goes 1 beer… There goes number 2… that’s 2 and half…” By the time he got to 2 I was over at the sink washing my hands as fast as possible trying to get out of the bathroom.
What the hell was wrong with this guy? At least 6 Guy Code violations! Whether you call it guy code or simple bathroom etiquette, no one wants to hear about how some other dudes pee stream is going.